. Wild Soul .

some days you just wanna ask lots of question

2012-02-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

and today, is one of those days...

putting aside personality and what so ever, will gender affect the way u see a person?
sometimes, i wonder, why is it when we see a tomboy, our reaction is not as big as see-ing a guy that looks like a girl?
why is it that when we see homosexuals PDA-ing, we automatically scrunched our nose and turn away in disgust?
does it mean that something that does not conform to societal norm is then wrong? wudnt it be funny if one day, turns out we are the one that is wrong?

why is it that there are people who limit themselves to only see things they think is normal? to accept facts they think is correct?
everytime i offer a certain book on a certain subject to a certain someone and the only reply i got is "ewwwww~ *shudders and turns away"
i swear, the lil light in me dimmed a lil!

what makes a good leader? is steve jobs a good leader? or is he a good businessman?
or does a good businessman = a good leader?
how do we define a good leader den?
someone who inspire? someone who brings profit? someone authentic?
is a good leader more of a people person or a goal person?
are all leaders narcissistic?
if they are not, can they be a good leader?

i think taking this course has opened my eyes to a lot of things i never imagine i would be interested in....

"I heard a definition once: Happiness is health and a short memory i wish i'd invented it, because it is very true." ------ Audrey Hepburn

the problem with money... or so they said...

2012-02-07T13:38:00.000-08:00

this article here talks about money and the world today (which is so true!)

and how we all lack the initiative to solve the problem. it says "returning to gold, is the most obvious solution"

maybe i dont quite understand the article, but it seems that the writer is suggesting that all we need to do is to go back to basic : gold

and i can just picture him smoking a cigar, resting in an armchair and saying those words...

like it's so easy...

but is it really that easy?

how do u solve a problem that has been snowballing since so long ago?

is initiative all that we need?

if yes, i think we need initiative as big as the pacific ocean to conquer a mountain that high .

praying for the whole 'noah's ark' to happen might be easier .

what if one day a bank in our country went bankrupt?
i wonder what kind of chain reaction will it caused?
or what if bank doesnt exist at all in the 1st place?
today,i i heard about this rich man (forgot his name) who need to have 2billion cash with him in order to sleep well... because he cannot trust the economy...
so, let's say if banks dont exist,
will we then not be in debts?
will the government not be in debts?
will we learn to manage money better?

a lot of people said money is not everything .
but there is this chinese saying that i believe in and is my life motto since forever because my grandma used to say it to me when i was very little,
"money might not be everything, but without money you are definitely nothing"
that being said, having a lots of money doesn't make you king, but living without a single pence in this world.... can u imagine?
i think people who has never experienced a life without a single pence in their pockets, have no right to tell others "money is not everything" because they obviously dont know what being nothing means...

in a room full of people, i can still see your smile

2012-01-29T12:46:00.000-08:00

standing in the theatre today .

i had a lof of flashbacks .

worship session does wonders .

i thought of a friend

and i wonder how is he doing? i wonder if he is still lost . and i wonder if he had found happiness in the midst of this all .

i wonder if at the end of the day, the one person that he actually loves the most is himself .

did he selfishly placed his desire above everything else and push it all to God .

i thought about the time i shivered and tried to shake it all away everytime a particularly embarrassing memory comes back .

i called myself ~~innocent~~ naive back then . but then realised all those naivety brought me a lot of laughters . i thought about some of the things that i've done in the past . and i cant believe how stupid i was!

i thought about the time when i couldnt stop talking . when i used to talk a lot .

and realised i might hav run out of steam . and that turn me into an introvert .

i thought of my friends . friends that laughed out loud when they see me fall yet still help me up . friends that hav known me since forever . who shares the same memories . who i cannot stop talking to everytime we meet . friends who made me smile just by reading their text .

and i realized the biggest blessing in my life, other den my family, is actually my friends .

i realised not only am i spoiled rotten by my parents . i believe some of my friends actually played a role in the process .

i thought of the people i tried so hard to forget . to block and pretend they never exist . and i thought maybe i am in too deep to find my way out .

sometimes, i thought maybe i will never fall in love again . because i keep on searching and searching in hope of finding the same feeling . and today i realised, that might not be possible . and i just need to be patient and wait for God to send me someone that can replace that feeling and make it 100 times better .

and then i realised that i should not try and block memories that can never be replaced because they are so precious .

i looked at the people worshipping on stage and i saw their smile . i saw them closing their eyes . stretching their arms . with a big smile on their face while singing . and i found myself smiling as well .

and i realised that the love of God is very contagious . and as i was typing this post, i realised that i might not be able to feel His presence everytime but as long as i know that He is always there . His abounding love will never fails .

see! worship session really does wonders!

the fashion world thru my eyes #2012

2012-01-21T14:41:00.000-08:00

one shoulder tops/dress .

on sales now at ASOS

leopard print stuff esp shoes!

waiting for this cutie to arrive! wheee~!

bow tie top

thanks to this blog post i found this...

lace

fell in love at first sight! and then they tell me outta stock! =(

colorful platform heels

so cute right! but i havnt found mine yet...

asymmetric

everytime i saw this top in topshop i'm so tempted to buy

skater dress

maybe its just me but i keep seeing this everywhere!

the only reason i am writing this post is because i am stressed and when i am stressed i shop!

actually i shop whenever and wherever thisisjusalameexcusetomakemefeelbetter..

but i am tryin to stop shoppin..

so, i can only write this post to satisfy my need to browse through all online shops...

overdue updates~

2011-12-18T04:52:00.000-08:00

in three months time, i've

visited notting hill

shop til i drop

saw platform 9 3/4

become a member of the biggest library i've ever seen in my life

had ice cream and junk food for breakfast, lunch and dinner

painted my own ceramic bowl

had super awesome waffles with ms jing han in Belgium

visited amazing Brugge (and i saw Christ's blood! howamazinglycoolandsuperawesomeisthat)

bought lots of chocs!

plus got my purse stolen, spend few hours in the police station....

partied

had my face painted complete with blue afro wig and became a freak clown...

danced

transformed into burlesque girls

partied a lil bit more

- made new friends

- studied harder than i ever did before

- had cultural shock

- learned how to cook

- almost burnt the kitchen down (for the 1st time in my life, i saw 2 fire trucks came due to my mistake)

i would say this semester had been pretty amazing!

2011-11-10T16:03:00.002-08:00

依然很想念。。。。

[untitled]

2011-10-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

人需要多久才能把一个人给忘掉？

一年？五年？还是十年？

那如果十年后还是忘不掉呢？

那该怎么办？

这代表什么？

如果十年后还看不到终点

那又该怎么办？

如果十年后还不愿意放弃呢？

坚持相信是愚蠢的行为还是爱情的证据?

even when i fail you, i know you love me

2011-10-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x2)

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x4)

i couldnt stop cryin the minute the song started....

thank you LORD for loving me even when i fail you . when i ran away from you . when i turn my back to you .

indeed there is no greater love thank this...

london, where the weather has mood swings

2011-10-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

someone texted me "i miss you and i bet you are crying like a baby in the airport" though i did not receive that text and found out only a few days ago .

i DID NOT cried like a baby! ok, more like a child that got lost in the mall .

ok, some girl did asked me if i was alright? but it wasnt that bad..

seriously...

London has been really good to me . minus the weather . it was either too hot or too cold and the wind keep ruining my hair!

though i spend most of my time in my room . when i did went out, i enjoyed myself . i made friends from all over the world except malaysia =.=

and i learnt so much from each and everyone of them . seeing people talkin bout their countries and lives made me realised how unknowledgeable i am . and it was so fascinating .

everything is so fascinating!

and the people here are realllyyyy nice! or maybe GOD has been really good to me cuz HE keeps on sending nice people my way . =p

i've never attended any christian fellowship meetings before in KL .

last thurs was my first time and it's amazing

it's one of those time where u can really see the yearning and the love for GOD just oozing out of everyone there....

as i was standing there, i was struck by the thought of how blessed i am .

never once did i feel alone . miserable . sad . depress ever since i step foot in london .

GOD keeps blessing me with more and more .

it's true, i have yet to form any bond with anyone here . but it just amazed me that i keep on bumping into really nice people . new friends . lecturers .

minus the fact that i miss Malaysia food .

minus also the fact that i have so much readings to do . no wonder postgraduate students dont hav time to party!

before i leave, mum told me to not worry... nobody would be there to nag me anymore once i am in London .

how not true!

she has been abusing skype to the max! skyping me everyday.... ok, not to nag but still!

"很冷。我的温暖的拥抱呢~??"

i am happy but i am not gonna tell you why

2011-09-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

有些朋友很特别明明就不常见面也不是很熟也没有很多话说

可是就是觉得很亲密觉得这很奇妙

是缘分吧～？

甜言蜜语我很爱听可是也要看是从谁的嘴巴说出来

同一句话不同人说差别还真大

越不让自己去想就想越多连做梦都会梦到！

一直觉得自己的第六感超准可是却常常质问自己是否想太多

到最后都不知道自己想怎样烦死～

我终于遇到一个墙壁比我高的人了

看了这么久还是看不懂

好难懂可是很吸引人

“属于我们的小秘密”

some random stuff that still made me smile

2011-08-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

a lil boy and a lil girl decided to runaway one day while on a holiday with their families .

the girl took the boy's hand and they begin to climb the stairs leading to the exit of the beach house. in their mind, the only important thing at that time is to runaway together.

unfortunately, before their lil hands could rich for the gate, they were caught.

of course, their parents weren't happy bout it. everyone assumed it was the boy's idea. the lil girl was too scared to speak up therefore, the boy, like a true man, took all the blame.

the girl was very grateful . though she felt guilty when some of the adults called the boy a naughty boy for trying to 'kidnap' the girl .

not long after, both families were taking a walk along the beach when suddenly a huge wave came and one side of the girl's slippers were swept away by the current . the girl tried to chase after her slipper but her parents wouldn't let her . again, the lil boy, like a true hero, went after the slipper even though the current were quite strong and grab the slipper before anyone could stop him . he then gave the slipper back to the girl with a bright smile . wide eyed, the girl looked at him without saying a word because for a moment she thought she was goin to lost a dear friend that day .

so long ago yet still cute as ever . cant help smiling whenever i think bout it.

"memories are the only thing nobody can take away from you"

i might be dumb but i still hav my POV

2011-08-21T23:56:00.001-07:00

the types of employees that is goin to cause their companies major loss

did not disclose all necessary information to the customers and cause them major distress .

the girl at the travel agent recommend us to get the morning flight to london because it is around 2k cheaper and assure us that she will apply for 30kg baggage for us because i am a student . now, fare paid . ticket issued . she told us, she cannot get 30kg baggage for us because it is a cheap/discounted fare . a point she leave out when asking us to buy! major fail! and thats not all, she now promised to TRY her best to get us 25kg but this time she cleverly mentioned that we should prob be prepared with 20kg baggage because its a cheap fare! double fail! now i am pissed off but there is nothing i can do because screamin wont change anything.. and because it is a cheap fare, i cant even change tickets. and i just wanna strangle her to death right now . and i wish her fired!

someone that know nothing about the company and hates her job to the max

a potential customer called just now wanting to asked about our export products and me being the clueless one was not able to help her in any way at all . heck i dont even know how to connect the line to somebody else . and i kinda hate my job! not the answering phone part, but the 'i am reading economic report but hav no clue what the heck is it talking bout' part... *which will bring me to my fourth point* and because the person in charge is not in and her assistant is being lazy as usual which brings me to my third point...

someone who obviously is more interested in slackin den working

unless you are being forced to work here, i dont think there is any reason for u to dislike ur job because u obviously chose to work here. and even if its not ur 1st choice, there must be something that keeps u here ie. the money . so obviously the company did not pay u to see u absent from job whenever u like with last minute notice . talks on the phone 50% of the time . someone who is to lazy to put her card back to the slot beside the punch machine because it is too far and she needs to punch in again anyway tomorrow, so might as well leave it beside the machine obviously needs to be seriously evaluate! wtf! u think this is ur house is it.. =.= i know, i am prob lazier den her but please refer back to 1st sentence "forced to work here"

do not send a carpenter to do a plumber's job

there is a reason why university degree exist. its for u to study a specific field . if all engineers and architects ended up being accountants . then why go through 3years of uni just to start all over again! i know a lot of ppl ended up doing things that have nothing to do with their degree . well, if they are good at it then why not.. i've seen engineers ended up doin business but how many business major students ended up being engineers~?? i freakin dont und a word in malaysia's Q2 economic report! and it bored me to death... and all the words look alien-ish to me.. why torture a psychology major with accounting!? i truly believe every job need the right person and not just anyone . and fitting the right puzzle leads to higher happiness and higher productivity! i believe! no data to back me up but istillbelieve!

"malaysia is growing.. awesome!"

excuse me while blow off steam

2011-08-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

there are approx 15 office worker in the company . and then there is me, the one with barely any work to do for 8months .

SO WHAT IN THE FREAKIN WORLD IS THERE TO DO WHEN U ASKED ME TO STAY FOR ANOTHER 2WEEKS AFTER I'VE GIVEN YOU 1 MONTH NOTICE~

with the US currency dropping . no orders coming in . ppl are no more workin overtime until 12 midnight . what kind of work do u hav that u cant afford for me to leave! FUCK YOU!

do not bullshit me as if i have not been working here for 8months!

what the heck do u mean by so called "new arrangement".. the other 15 officer workers cannot do mer?!?!?!? i must stay here only can do mer!

people dont seem to realized that i freakin hate accounting . i studied psychology not business not accounting . i have no freakin interest in cash flow, payroll whatsoever!

AND I FREAKIN HATE IT HERE!

thank you for helpin me make up my mind . now, i am determined to get a job in UK after my MSc . i am sick of you forcing me to do things that i hate .

is so angry now i feel like crying

EDIT

now, they showed me two seminars for 5-6th sept and 19-20th sept and asked me if i am interested in going?

I THOUGHT I AM OH SO IMPORTANT THAT U NEEDED ME TO WORK! HOW COME GOT TIME FOR ME TO GO SEMINARS SOMEMORE!

AND WHAT HAPPENED TO WORK FOR THE 1ST 10DAYS OF SEPT? A SEMINAR ON 19&20TH SEPT~?!?!?!? ARE U FUCKIN SERIOUS!

MIGHT AS WELL ASK ME TO WORK TIL 22ND MIDNIGHT!

untitled

2011-08-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

sometimes u have so much to say; you dont know where to start because words are jumbled up like one big bowl of melted choc .

that's me right now .

i need my dose of starbucks .

breathe in . breathe out

2011-08-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

i think i need a break... again, i know.

once again, i feel like disappearing for awhile. not to think but to be alone .

blank mind . with a frappe . a mag . all day . awesome .

the past few weeks had been filled with so many things .

holidays . friends . food . shopping . more food . alcohol .

the perfect summer .

i is very excited about goin to uk . partly sad . a lil bit scared . but mostly excited!

my mum speaks as if i dont want her anymore . as if i am not planning on coming back . just because i wanted to stay on and work for awhile before coming back .

all along people have been expecting me to be the good girl that takes over the company after i finished my studies .

heck, even the aunty that sells economy rice near office knows who i am and asked me bout being the boss of the company .

family and friends are waiting for me to help out in the company . dad's friends are joking about me marrying their sons .

but at the end of the day, nobody asked me what do i want.

people just assumed that since i am the only child, it is only right that the company belongs to me .

for the past 8 months, i've been thinkin a lot bout tis and i dont see myself working here in the short term . eventually i know i have to come back .

but for now, i wanna live life my way . i wanna experience life outside penang . outside this company . i cannot keep on doin accounting for the rest of my life . i might burst into numbers!

on a brighter side, i am goin to start a few list of things to do before i hit 30 . and things to do before i leave uk . excited max~!

"when i'm in a crowd, i wonder what secrets people are hiding"

this made me smile because it's so true

2011-07-11T23:24:00.000-07:00

life lesson

2011-06-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

six months of work . one lesson . i hate accounting .

i hate facing numbers everyday .

another lesson that i've learned . the importance of being happy in doing what you are doing .

a lot of people loves to put their happiness in the hands of others!

but nobody owe us happiness .

it is up to us, to find joy in every lil things in life .

if you are not happy, you can only blame urself .

because obviously, you are responsible for ur own emotions .

突然好想谈恋爱 .

powerful yet dangerous . but always so enticing .

2011-04-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

i learn a new thing about myself today .

i realized that one of the reason i studied psychology is to read people .
i want to have the power to be able to read others and to persuade them to seeing things my way .
i like that power and i want to hav that kind of power over people .
i dont think a powerful person is superior . and power means nothing when you are not able to fully utilize it . imagine being on top of a corporate ladder but not being able to decipher your opponents or worse still you own employee's moves . the next scene that shud be running through ur mind right now is you falling of the ladder .

i want to be that kind of person . someone who is able to see through past all those facades and mask . i would use the word manipulative but then that sounds so negative! i wanna be a persuasive person .

maybe thats how i got a 8 on manipulative scale! =.=llll
i remember mum tellin me "you are that kind of person that will do anything you can to make things go your way..." she was obviously angry at me when she said those words.. so that is not entirely true!

"the moment you let ur emotions take control; you know you have lost half the battle"

all you had to do was blink and I'd give you all the attention in the world

2011-04-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

fantictions . my top favourites are conversation between us . banana pancakes . jaded
now i can add a new fav to my list
welcome to the underworld .
its so awesome that it deserved a post entirely on its own .

have u ever read a story so good that you kinda got suck into all the emotions and you just refused to get out because for a moment, fantasy is better than reality~?

love is a mysterious thing sometimes . it comes when u least expect it and like wind, take u together on a journey that sometimes, makes u so hurt and broken that ujustwannadie yet you refused to leave because u know if goin through all those hurt means a moment of laughter; u will go along without thinkin twice .

the boy is a trained killer . he was trained to be ruthless . to kill without blinking . to do whatever it takes to get to the top .
yet when boy meets girls . and boy fell in love .
he just couldnt leave no matter what . even when he is in denial; he still couldnt leave .
because he couldnt bring himself to turn his back on the girl that stole his heart away .
even when the girl leaves . the boy turn the whole city upside down just to see the girl's smile again .

like a boomerang . it always comes back .

and then boy does everything he can to steal her heart . like a guardian angel . he is always there . watching over her . even when she cries in her sleep, he is there to wipe those tears away because it breaks his heart to see her cry . he piggybacks her even when his whole body is aching . he sits through cheesy movies because that will make her happy .

boy keeps on teasing girl . annoying her . bullying her . just to get her attention . to see her smile . so that she will never forgets him .

even when he knows there are no happy endings; he selfishly keeps her by his side . because it is just impossible to imagine a life without her .

those kinda love like the one in coffee prince . the guy was strugglin with his feelings for so long because he thought he was gay for falling for a guy (but he's not; the 'guy' is actually a girl) . but in the end, he decided not to care anymore . even the whole world objects . even when his rationale says no . even if its against all the logic . even when it is a difficult path ahead . he doesnt care anymore .
because he loves her to much to care .

"no one said finding Paris would be easy; they only said it would be worth it."

GOD's love is bigger then everything else

2011-04-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

a few days ago, ms penguin showed me a blog post by jaeson ma..
the post was erm... creepily accurate...
tat night i prayed verryyyy hard *partly because of my IELTS test*

anyway, my main point is
the next day earllyyyyy in the morning, i saw a verryyy beautiful rainbow in the sky .
those type where u can see clearly all 7 colors of the rainbow...
it was soooo beautiful that i can feel my stress for ielts evaporating into thin air .
and den a few min later while i was stil 'oohhinngg' at the rainbow a second rainbow was formed right in front of my eyes! double the 'oohh'

and i was reminded of GOD's promises and HIS love..
i believe that GOD is just and HE might be angry with us human for all our wrongdoings
but ultimately HIS love is bigger than everything else .

everyone needs love

2011-03-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

有时候看了某些事情或听了某些事会让我很想去认识某些人或者更认识他们一点。
自以为是的觉得认识了我或许会带给他们一些快乐很傻
很想去爱他们不是因为可怜是因为觉得他们需要这份爱

很多时候我都在装傻因为很多事还是假装不知道比较好少麻烦

有些人虽然认识不久也不常见面可是就是那么谈的来这叫有缘吧
很爱他们！

旅行能让人觉得很靠近很亲密

要考试了重来没因为英文考试而紧张过这是第一次

钱真的能让人把感情忽略吗?

喜欢和习惯很难分得清吧

some people i just wanna smack them upside down...

我今天心情很好！

2011-02-02T10:05:00.000-08:00

我觉得每一个花心人的背后一定有他自己的原因吧。不是把爱情当游戏可能只是害怕

可是我相信有一天他们一定会遇到那个值得他们改变的人。一个可以看到花心背后的真心的人。

有些问题在不同时间问会有不同的答案。很久以前有人问过我我说我不知道。去年同样的问题我说应该不会吧。现在如果有人在问我，答案应该不一样了吧。

有些事不管过了多久，我依然相信。虽然很清楚结局应该不会跟我想的一样

很多事心里想的跟嘴巴说的不一定是一样的。

有些人不需要天天见面或讲话，可是在特别的日子时收到简讯就会很开心！谢谢你让我笑了

我发现看一个人的部落真的会让我觉得我们是认识的

他的世界好复杂让我很想更认识他了解他很想进入他的世界

“没那么简单”

my to-do-list

2011-01-30T23:31:00.000-08:00

things that i need to get/do before CNY comes...

eyeshadow
loose powder
a kabuki brush
mascara
something for my hair... *my hair looks like a broom sometimes* p/s the girly girl in me is jealous of girls with long long silky black hair!
more 'happy' colors accessories
colored contacts!
get my necklace fix
wash my car
nail polish/ topcoat
tidy up my wardrobe *its gonna burst anytime soon*
~~apply leave~~
~~new shoes~~
sort out my outfits for CNY... it felt as if my clothes are all over the place =.=llll

things to do after CNY..

plan my europe trip!!! OMG I CANT WAIT! WHEEEEE~
get my eyes checked for lasik surgery
start meeting up with friends before they leave again.. =p
start cross stitching
go sign up for dance class
decorating my room with pictures; that means choosing pictures and developing them
get dad to get me .... ; which means puttin my persuasion skill to the max

and i am here bloggin during workin hours.....

"many smile a day keeps many wrinkles away"

life is an awful places without GOD and angels

2010-12-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

after countless nights out . 6 roommates . a few Bs and Cs . so much laughters . talks . trips . a few heart stopping moments . a few kgs shed . i am proud to say i not only survived 3 years of uni but its one of the best 3 years in my life =)

and i am leavin in 2 days time . but i have a very strong feeling that i might be back . who knows... but as long as it is where God wants me to be . i'll be there .

i think i turned out fine . survived . matured .

found a few babis and a bunch of greatttttt people . blessed . very very blessed . super blessed to the max . soblessedthatiamburstingwithhappiness .

it never hit me that i am leaving until the farewells...

though its sad to leave but i am lookin forward to the next chapter of my life!

found my way back to church . and its awesome! God is awesome all the time . like super awesome . like awesome-st to the max .

i think there are a lot of people that i'm goin to miss! without all these people, my 3 years will never be as awesome....

thank you for everything!

we took 6000 pictures in 3 years . thats like 2000 each years .
found an amazing church . with amazing people in it
i realized that i am a city girl . so a city girl .
become a 'frequent shopper' . turned ms gan into a buyer as well!
visited so many beautiful places!
watched so many movies
realized that PJ dont have a lot of leng cais
had ms winnee as lecturer
realized i am a dangerous yet safe driver! =p
realized that i can cook! *with some help from some awesome invention*
found a few shopping kakis
realized how messy i am
turned girly-er! haahahhahaha!
realized how impulsive i can be
wrote the longest report ever! 10000 words for thesis is a killer!
sang karaoke . played pool . went hiking
realized how loud my laughter can be!
developed a love for making DIY gifts
found chili pan mee and cristang pork burger!!
studied hard for exams!
learned knitting
danced
got drunk for the 1st time in my life
found eyeliners and wedges...

i am not gonna post pictures from 3 years ago... hahahahahah!!! so only new pictures =) and its not in chronological order

ampang lookoutpoint

zumba dance!

malacca trip

jaq's bridal shower

Philippines En10!

heavenly gift

bagan lalang beach

potbless

LG dinner

farewell dinner

"emotions fade but memories dont ---- cognitive psychology"

a girl can always dream

2010-12-12T08:43:00.000-08:00

i want! but oh well, ogling at them is enough... =)

ipad

never thought of wanting one until recently... so convenient! and x times bigger screen than my itouch!

dslr

i can take awesome pictures with my not-so-awesome skill

fuji instax

polaroid camera has been on my wishlist for ages lor! so cool can! take pic and 5min later its out! i can tel my friends "nah, u keep a copy! den u will never forget my face!"

more awesome must-haves.....

christian loubotin heels

so classy looking! too bad its so high iwilltripandsaybyebyetomyankles

burberry pink trench coat

my favorite brand in my favorite color! and look at the shiny shiny materials! and the cute ribbons at the wrist part there

miu miu bag

currently loves black bags with gold details! super classy!! since my miu miu bag is spoilt, this would be a nice replacement...

coach wallet

me likey coach! enough said =p

jimmy choo heels

love at first sight! i lub the zipper!!! too bad its so high, iwilltripandfall

topshop maxi dress

long and flowy is nice! for modellike girls... but oh well, i can dream

nine west platform heels

love the color! plus it has thick soles! which means the chances of me trippingandfalling is lower...

prada wristlet

pink! and prada! double the awesomeness!

theory ankle boots

ankle boots are so sexy!!

toga dress

i want one! in black with silky materials!

burberry tote

love burberry!

most importantly....

redeco my room!

this is important because i am movin home! i need a bigger room for all my stuff! and my room looks the same from 10 years ago!

arent those stuff gorgeous~?!??!?!

off to bed to dream bout it now... =)

i think hannah passed me her shoes addiction disease...

i cant stop looking at shoes!

thatschic.net has some really awesome shoes and bags and very awesome taste in fashion... i cant stop lookin through her blog!

"start ur new chapter with a smile"

is in one of her jay chou mood again...

2010-11-10T05:38:00.000-08:00

原來我從未習慣妳已不在我身旁

本来讨厌下雨的天空直到听见有人说爱我

知道不能太依赖怕你会把我宠坏

我假裝過去不重要　卻發現自己辦不到

說了再見　才發現再也見不到

你說想哭就彈琴　想起你就寫信

情緒來了就不用太安靜

你說愛了就確定　累了就別任性

原來感覺是如此親近

傻傻的還在等待以為妳還會回來

就算這是做錯　也只是怕錯過

緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠

只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著　要怎麼停呢

想看你的看的世界想在你梦的画面

这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

愛是不是不開口才珍貴

再給我兩分鐘讓我把記憶結成冰

眼泪是多余

你说我若一个人会比较自由我不懂你说什么反正不会松手

將願望折紙飛機寄成信　因為我們等不到那流星

而我已經分不清　你是友情　還是錯過的愛情

突然想起我是因为你才会喜欢周杰伦的

也是因为你才会喜欢鼓

也是因为你才会喜欢篮球＝）

心情篇

2010-11-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

想听真心话

不喜欢迷迷糊糊的感觉

女人真复杂永远搞不清楚自己在想什么要的是什么

想找个人陪一起去旅行

很清楚知道所要的是什么却不甘愿放下

一起去海边吧陪我看日落

改变了却不想承认因为不想接受

我会耐心的等

觉得自己很幸福因为很多人疼我

很爱你因为你让我快乐

“莫名的伤感”

bloggin bout nothin

2010-11-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

awesome photography skill that made me look like i am jumpin very high!

cognitive test in 2hours time and yet i am here! bloggin bout.... nothin! =)

loves comin up with sadistic/gory details for my forensic project! yet i wanna be a smart cool calm killer... but so sadistic how to be cool!

had fun coming up with ways to torture my victims though!

moving house aint easy! mum was sayin i help other people cleaned their house yet my own room looks like erm...... a tornado pass through it everyday.. hahahah!

birthday this year is peaceful! like super peaceful! and i had 3 diff cakes! happy! XD

went to the beach and ah jun wrote happy bday on the sand! but no pic! =(

when for pampermyselfday alone... a few of my friends were surprised that i spend my birthday alone... but i had fun alone! after spending so much ti

me with friends i think all of us need some time alone...

so you! go and hav a quality time + pamper myself day! =)

friends celebrated for me on sat... i just love them! cuz they bring me laughter! lots and lots and LOTS of laughter!

danced twice in 2 weeks... same dance . though 2nd one was better! and for the first time in my life, i had fake eyelashes on!!!!!! i look scary! =p

i lub this pic!

people dont come and go as you like... there is no such thing! so the next time u push someone away... be prepared! because they might never come back...

i had horrible dream again on sun night! jun said maybe i annoint my door and windows de so they come in through the walls! =.=lllll

and maybe i shud get lilian too to come and see feng shui! haha!

so cham! after so long! why come again! urrrgh!

the whole morning i felt as if someone is lookin at me... so creepy lor!

got a very pleasant surprise over the weekend! got waken up by a text.... was prepared to rawr at whoever it is... until i saw the sender's name... and my heart instantly jumped... haha! not in joy but more of in shock at first... i am happpyyyyyyyyy~~~!!! like very very happy! like happytilidreamtofthatpersonlastnight....

not everyday people tel me the misses me and will always be there for me no matter wat! and that coming from a person like that, even more happy lor!

and it made me realized that...

as long as i've placed a person in a certain category/position in my heart, no matter how much we've changed... that person will always be i

n the same category =)

me in a box lookin for owner to bring me home!

"so young and insane"

my dose of distraction

2010-10-11T03:50:00.002-07:00

i am supposed to be doing my data entry now but den after watchin a video posted by a friend, had this sudden urge to blog... haha!

i think the bible is an important thing in every Christian's life... because it contains the word of God.. though i must admit, i fail very miserably in reading the bible everyday... still trying.. haha!
but because the bible speaks differently to everyone of us, *imagine, if there is 1 billion people readin the same verse, we might hav 50k of different explanations*
the saddest part is sometimes people use it against each other.. the bible then became a weapon for them to fight others and not the enemy... they begin quoting verses to defend themselves, to put others down, to justify themselves.... so sad right~?!
a book that is suppose to be ur most personal thing where u get to read about the word of God and everything else is now just another weapon for you to defend urself...
people can even use the same exact verse to fight each other lor! =.=llll

on a different note, something struck in tat video when it says you are fearfully and wonderfully made...
i think sometimes people fail to realized that when it says we are fearfully and wonderfully made it doesnt apply to the way we are born only... but to our whole life! because before we are even born, God had already planned our whole life out for us...
sometimes we think that "oh, i was born like that and i am fearfully and wonderfully made... so this is how i shud be for the rest of my life..."
but i think that even when we are born in watever way it is, it is to serve a purpose... and it definitely doesnt mean tat we born this way, we die this way lor...
maybe God wants you to be sick, for you to experience life in another way
BUT maybe maybe God wants you to be sick before He heal you... so that you can go and tel the rest of the world tat there is nothing our God cant do! =)

-ok, time to go back to my data entry!-

"have you worship GOD today?"

love is patient

2010-09-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

i've actually typed a lot, ranting, until i hear a voice tellin me...
this is not right and you know it~
i think that's GOD... =)

someone taught me something the other day
out of nowhere, he sat down and asked me
hav you been readin ur bible?
and then proceed to ask me -you know the verse "love is patient, love is kind?-
do you know why Paul starts with love is patient?
me : huh???
he said, before everything else, love has to be patient.. because with patient it comes understanding and acceptance
and love cannot exist without these 2..
before we learn to love someone we hav to first accept and understand that person
accept them for who they are and not who we want them to be . accept the fact that they are not perfect . accept them even when they are at their ugliest .
understand (or at least try to) where they are coming from . understand that you cant force someone to change .
and that is why patient comes first.... =)

love is such a beautiful thing... dont you think?
but some people just hav to misuse it =.=llll
saying i love you when they dont mean it . using love as an excuse to everythin they do .
but even after all this, love is still beautiful... because
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13:4-7)

"make time to dance alone with one hand waving free"

dancing with passion

2010-08-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

i think one thing that i really like about step up movies or any other dancing movies or any dance performance for that matter is that their passion really shine through their moves...
you dont see the hard work or the sweat or the challenges they went through just to perform but all you can see is people who are doing what they love the most . and they are glowing with joy . just by watchin them dance, you can feel the happiness bubblin inside you... their joy are contagious!
i feel happy just lookin at people dance... because they are doing something that they love with their whole heart . and i believe when you put your heart into doing something, people can see . feel .
watchin that is so much better den watchin comedies.. haha! because comedies are funny while this is pure happiness that is being radiated through the screen...
while i was watchin step up 3 last night, it was easy to spot the non-dancer among them (at least thats what they looked like -- non dancers) because the rest of them have this look of pure happiness on their face while some looked like they are doin this because well, they are required to do so in that movie...

some people, gav up a career . their family . comfortable life just to live a life that brings meaning .
whether its dancing . singing . community service . or serving GOD .
and people who are so brave to do that deserve a standing ovation!!!
because it requires us taking a super huge step of faith . in ourselves that we will survive . and in GOD that He will provide .
but whatever it is
as long as ur heart is in the right place, GOD will take your hand and take each step with you =)

sometimes, watchin all this movies, makes me realized how stupid i was to stop ballet in grade6!!! if only, i persevere and finish the last 2 and a half years! i actually missed ballet sometimes! though i wasnt that good at it.. >< too late now to continue, might break my bone... i think my health age is like 60years old!

"reach for the moon because even if you dont make it, you'll land among the stars"

my fav story of the day

2010-08-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

"i was watching a bluebottle yesterday. in an effort to escape the living room, he kept flying against the window, hitting his head against the glass over and over again. it was frustrating to watch especially because if he'd just flown up a lil bit higher towards the top of the window, he'd have been free. i can imagine his frustration of being able to see the trees and flowers and the life outside yet not being able to be there and experience it himself. i tried to help him a few times, guide him towards the open window but he flew away from me. eventually, he came back to the same window.. probably thinking "well, this is the way i came in..."
i wonder if me watching him is like how it is like to be God. He sits back and sees the big picture, just like how i could see the open window above the bluebottle... he wasnt trapped at all.. he was just looking at the wrong place. it comforts me knowing that god can see the tomorrow even though i cant... until i came back into the room a few hours later to see a dead bluebottle on the windowsill. then i got mad at God because it meant that just like the bluebottle, i might never find my way out of this mess. what good is it being so far back you can see everything and yet not do anything to help?
then i realized that i was the god on this occasion. i had tried to help the bluebottle but it wouldnt let me. and then i felt sorry for God because i understood his frustration.

sometimes when people*or even God* offered a helping hand, it gets pushed away. people always want to help themselves first

-------- taken from cecilia ahern's the book of tomorrow

are you really stuck or are you pushing God's helping hand away?

philippines, i am coming! XD

2010-07-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

this semester my days had been filled with so many people... to the point where i dont get to spend quality time with myself at all...
i tried to be there for people as much as i can but it never felt enough
it felt as if i am not doing enough... as if i should do something more... as if i can never do enough...
but i felt GOD telling me one day during worship, that i can never do enough... i can just do as much as i can and leave the rest to HIM..
GOD is in control of every single thing..
it is ok to feel tired and stop for awhile... *i dont think HE minds* =)
it is ok to say i need to run away from this for a lil while
it is ok to tel HIM all this... it is ok to yak all you want to HIM.. i assure you there is no one in this world that can be a better listener than GOD.. =)
it is ok to go rest in HIS embrace.. HE is never too busy for us..
and i believe GOD is smiling at us no matter what... even when we felt unworthy or when we felt we havnt done enough
because just like a father, HIS love for us is not a dependent variable....

go and have a rest in HIS embrace today... you deserved it... =)

i need to spend quality time with myself for a lil while also....
i am very very tired...

rumination is the root to all evil! =.=lll

p/s i cant wait for en2010! it's gonna be awesome and powerful and *all the other positive words u can think of*! plus i've never been to philippines! wheeeeee~~~~~

"do not let your hearts be troubled; trust in GOD, trust also in me ----- John 14:1"

more ranting . random ranting . you have been warned .

2010-07-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

我不喜欢被当成傻瓜

你为什么又再骗我 =.=llll

讨厌死你！

话又不爱讲清楚。总是要别人猜

真真假假我都分不清楚了

我也不想在猜，也不想在问了

又爱问一些有的没的。诚实点是会死mer？

也爱说一些有的没的。把人家搞乱。

我好累好累

如果那天你得到的答案却不是你想要的，以后该怎么办？

我想知道事实却害怕知道答案。我要你诚实却害怕听到不想听的。我要听到你的真心话却担心不能给你，你想要的结果。

他们都说我在逃避现实。是真的！

i cant decide whether i am more disappointed or annoyed or confused .

有一个人让我觉得不对劲。不过就是搞不清楚那里不对

这几个星期我在一个人身上学到一样很重要的教训》人真的不可貌相！！！

有些男人有时候真的很欠揍。爱乱放电又不要收拾自己的烂摊子

我不喜欢被控制

绑的越紧会让人越想逃跑。

我喜欢棒棒糖。

"when you stand alone, away from your spiritual family and support, what can you do for GOD?"

i have thick skin . XD

2010-07-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

i've decided to have a birthday wishlist... hahahahah!
i know its 3 months plus away but this allows me time to wish and dream and pray and hope . and for you to save up... hahahah!
and i am saving people the hassle of thinkin wat to buy.. =) (told you i hav thick skin)
forget bout me loving suprises.... hhahahahahaa!

cynthia's 21st birthday wishlist
polaroid camera
huge rabbit soft toy
lomo camera
new digital camera
spa voucher
coach wristlet
liz claiborne purse
lots of cover for my bb
cotton on voucher *if they hav*
huge cow soft toy
new HDD
armani exchange jeans
plane tickets to kch, sibu, jakarta, bali, bangkok, sg, or hk! XDXD

take your pick =)

some people are just........

2010-06-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

女人的第六感是最准的！

我真的对你很失望。

彻底的失望

我的事关你什么事。多管闲事！

把你的嘴闭上吧

不需要解释；因为累了

不想在听

也没有什么好考虑。

不要把所有事情都告诉别人

因为到最后受伤的会是自己

“眼泪是多余”

p/s i've been writing in chinese because i just learned how to type in chinese using mac.. XD

randomness to the max

2010-06-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

我喜欢周杰伦也喜欢鼓。

以后我的女儿一定要会跳芭蕾舞还有打鼓；儿子就学popping还有钢琴。

很帅！

我不喜欢被当成无知少女

每次都把我的话当笑话。

好像只有你最聪明；最有道理。

不要以为不认真的人，讲话都没经过大脑

不要自以为世界是围绕着你的

只有你的问题才算问题，别人的问题都是屁

到最后最孤单最可怜的人是你自己

疯婆说以后要一起开间老孤婆之家。

可以一起住。哈哈哈！

可是一定要住靠近别的朋友

过年过节的时候可以去他们家过

太爱选还有不敢承诺会害到我嫁不出去！

谁来养我！

"在人海茫茫我不可能找到你... 是命中注定让我在人海茫茫遇见了你"

给未来的你

2010-06-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

喜欢你爱面子的样子

喜欢你的霸道。喜欢你的傲慢

喜欢你耍帅。喜欢你耍浪漫

喜欢你的幽默。喜欢你把我的快乐放在第一

喜欢你撒桥。喜欢你装可爱

喜欢你充满自信

喜欢每天醒来就看到你的简讯

喜欢你把我宠坏

喜欢你把我摆在第一

喜欢你让我觉得幸福

喜欢你把最好的都给了我

"愛縱有千萬種風貌，回歸到最後，是簡簡單單的一顆心。"

how would my life be

2010-05-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

during service today, flashes of what happened on fri night came through my mind . (not that fri night was a disaster, but i would prefer it if i could remember every single detail of it compared to having a hazy memory of what happened )

and i was thinkin of how would my life be if i didnt go back to church and to God .

a few thoughts ran through my mind

i would probably be out partying a few nights a week .
i would probably get myself drunk a few times a week as well .
i would probably have a different mindset on relationships .
i would probably errr.... stray to the other side when it comes choosing a partner
the word F and many more other words would probably surface once every 2-3 sentence
my parents would probably have a very hard time trusting me . a lot of screaming and fighting involved .
might overspend a lot on drinking and shopping (at least now, it's only shopping)
i think i might be wayyyy out of control .

so, LORD, i thank you for finding me and getting my life under ur control .

"My whole life is yours, i give it all"

blue

2010-05-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

you know hows does it feels like when you have 101 things going through ur mind at the rate of 220km/h .

yet when people asked, you cant seem to tell them what is wrong .

you feel blue but cannot figure out why as well .

and you are so absorbed with your own thoughts that you shut down everything else .

you seem to think about the same thing again and again . repetitively .

and you think about the most absurd thing ever! and you begin to question urself .

deep down you know you should surrender it to God and pray for strength to overcome

but secretly you are enjoying urself . you enjoy swimming in your pool of thoughts .

ugggh! depressing! ><

and thinking of my new semester is making me even more depressing!

"我连自己想怎样都不知道"

home is where ur family is

2010-05-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

the best thing i like about comin home is it makes me more thankful and grateful to God .

because i am so pampered and loved here . (not that i am not pampered or loved anywhere else) but seriously, where on earth can you find a better place den ur home?

home is where ur family is =)

i am soooooooo pampered here! went to rasa sayang for dinner on the day i got home . dad sponsored me and mum cuz he said since he cant be home to accompany me . that place i seriously awesome!!! no wonder it's 5 star! even the doorman is cute!

sat and sun was super huge family day . celebrated mother's day a week earlier . almost everyone is home . had a short worship session for grandpa as it was his anniversary . it gives me joy see-ing my family just so close together even though they might not share the same mother . but they are able to just love one an

other and laugh together . it's awesome! amazing how God works....

2nd grandma, 1st grandma and my grandma

got my new baby on tues! major love~

went to gurney on wed to get mum her mother's day pressie using dad's money.. haha! and i did not shop at all! AT ALL! even my mum was suprised.... she was lookin through my bag when i got back and was suprised i came home empty handed...

went dinner at mcd with jin and ah na on thurs... we talked and talked and talked somemore! for 5hours! it was good catchin up with them... we talked bout old times... and laughed like nobody's business! reminds me of how dramatic my life was in high school! >< but i secretly thanked God for it because i've learned and grown so much from it... it made me who i am today~

fri is awesome! went to queensbay with mum and got my other new baby! sponsored by my grandma... but it's too complicated.. i hav not fully figured it out yet.. haha! lurve it to the max though!

my holiday is awesome! just the break i needed after this semester . and mum pampered me so much! she said mother's day felt like daughter's week.. lol!

- everyday lunch is served, all i need to do is plop my butt on the seat and eat . no need to worry bout washin the dishes .

- hungry? not a problem . mum is ever ready to make me milo even when its late at night . i remember she stayed up late the other day cuz i said i want milo but not so early just so she cant make me milo! i have the bestest mum in the world i tell u!

- cravings? not a problem as well . tell mum and all will be settled . =)

- no housework . no chores . nothing . =)

i love being home! because God has blessed me with the best family ever!

i hope ur week is as awesome as mine!

i cut my hair . i WILL let it grow long one day . some day . maybe .

"cliche is a cliche for a reason . it's comforting"

cheerful receiver & cheerful giver

2010-05-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

i personally believe that deep down inside everyone is a greedy person .
we always want more . we want as much as we can afford . we want as much as others can give .
of course that does not mean we are not happy and contented with what we have . but our happiness and contentment increase when we have more .
i am happy and very much contented with what i have right now but if my mum wants to give me a new handphone let's say, i obviously will be extra happy and extra contented! =)
but the most important lesson is---- dont stop at being a happy receiver only, learn to be a happy giver as well .
receive happily but at the same time give happily and readily because GOD loves a cheerful giver .
give not because you are forced to . give not because you feel obligated . give not because you wanna win the next person . give not because you happen to have extra .
but give because it gives you joy . give because you sincerely want to . give because you know you have received so much and it is unfair to not share it . give because you know how happy the other party will feel . give because GOD has given you so much .

"there is no such thing as too much smiling"

do you still remember?

2010-04-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

remember that day when you washed my hair?
remember all the msg-es you used to send me?
and the troubles you put me through because of the contents?
remember the time you came and save me from a very boring time?
remember how i used to torture you?
remember how nervous i was and you came over and calm me down?
remember how you used to help me with my work?
remember the times people teased us?
remember the first time you fetched me?
remember how freaked out i was when you found out about xxx?
remember the look on ur face when you realized you've deleted my gift?
remember the time when i was attacked because of you?

i remember all that . =)

p/s i just noticed how beautiful lomo can be .

"even if you're the ugliest person on earth, there is someone who thinks you're beautiful. even if you tell the biggest lie, there is someone who chooses to believe it. and even if your heart is broken into million pieces, there is someone out there who can mend them back together"

your choice .

2010-04-07T11:01:00.000-07:00

remember during your rebellious period? the more your parents control you, the more you wanna go against them .
we have the tendency to go against just because we hate to have your freewill taken away . not because we hate the choice .
now, imagine GOD taking away all your options . including all the pain . the suffering . the bad things and leave you with only one option ---- to love Him
would you love him as much? would you appreciate him more? would you love him wholeheartedly?
He did not cause all the pain and suffering in the world, we did; through our choices . He sometimes did not stop all the pain and suffering because He is using that to draw us closer to him . He is giving us a choice to either push Him away and put all the blame on Him or forget about the blaming part and just run to His embrace .
God gives us a choice because He doesnt want to force us into love . He wants us to love Him because we wanted to, not because He left us no choice .
when Jesus died for us, He did not die for only those who believes in Him . He died for each and everyone of us .
God loves each and everyone of us the same . but love is a two way street . if you do not love God back, there is nothing much He can do (other than stalking you everyday and hope that you give in)

God has already done His part, when are you going to do yours?

"God's love is bigger than our stupidity"

My week

2010-04-07T04:49:00.001-07:00

This week is definitely the most stressful week in the semester .

Meeting on Monday with dr goh on thesis and I barely prepared . at least that's what I feel like .

I was so scared that I'll appear ignorant and dumb in front of him . and make a complete joke out of myself .

That night I learnt that – very stressed out + very pissed off equals to me on the verge of bursting into tears . =)

That was definitely a first . I went to bed feeling horrible and I pray and pray and pray . and GOD was listening I bet, because I feel peaceful after that .

Though I'm still pissed and stressed the morning after . anyway, the meeting was good .

Havnt decide between homophobic bullyin or social status&bullying though .

Tuesday was worse . assignment due 930am . ah moi passed it to me at 940 . I was so stressed I was monologue-ing to myself the whole time from mon night onwards .

Will blog bout what I learnt today in the next post . =)

"God's love is bigger than our stupidity"

running away

2010-04-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

i feel exhausted .
mentally and emotionally and physically tired .
i need a getaway . need to take a break from life .
i feel stagnant . and heavy .
i am so focused on some things that i lost sight on so many other things .
but i just wanna run away for just a lil while . spend time with myself and Daddy dearest .

"takemyhand.takemeaway.evenifit'sjustforalilwhile"

rambling

2010-03-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

imagine how annoying can it be for you when people keep on contradicting themselves .
you never know when to trust and when not to . you dont know which of it is the truth .
you are tired of guessing . you find yourself questioning them .
you realized that you dont know if you can really trust them anymore .
you are confused . you are frustrated . you are angry .
you find yourself hoping that maybe today you'll finally know the truth .

what if it is ur heart and brain that is telling you different stories?
which one would you trust more?

"time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for christmas morning" ---- the gift, cecilia ahern

hiatus

2010-03-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

i have a lot to say . really .
but i find myself typing and deleting for the past 30min .
i dont know where to start . or how to start .
or which one to start on . or should i even start .

"it's never to late"

when crazy and crazy get together

2010-02-24T18:33:00.000-08:00

lots of picture . you've been warned . long long post

dinner at feng's

mcd . love the lighting

alexis . awesome milkshake . nice place

animal series

i'm shock that jun is acting weird in public.

i look magical! haha!

reminds me of the mask

jun in action

"One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one."

the four letter word

2010-02-02T01:50:00.000-08:00

we are often so afraid of loneliness that we grasp on to every opportunity to be in love . to be loved .
we enjoy liking somebody . and enjoyed being liked back .
but it never cross our mind to commit to any of this so-called-relationship
i always thought love is an emotion . an uncontrollable feelings .
but i realized now that love is a choice .
we can choose not to love . we can guard our heart to stop love .
at the same time we can choose to love that person even after the fireworks is not there anymore .

love is the willingness to commit . love is sticking with each other through thick and thin . love is accepting each other for who they are not for who you want them to be . love is holding hands, walking down the beach when you're 80years old .

we have absolutely no right to ask for love when we ourselves cannot promise to love back .

i asked God for love during my fasting period . i asked for love to be planted in every single soul . i asked for love to exist between every relationship .

i also asked for love for myself . i questioned God . i request from God .
and God taught me about patient and acceptance .
God showed me how much blessing He poured out to those who wait . to those who stayed obedient to God despite so many temptation .
He will reward my patient with blessings that i cannot imagine .
at the same time, God taught me about acceptance . He taught me to accept my feelings as honestly as i could .
He told that by doing that does not mean i'm being disobedient . But i have to first learn to be honest with myself before i can experience God's blessings .

one thing that i've learned is "a relationship that is centered around God will be the most beautiful journey ever"

~Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires . Song of Solomon 2:7~

craziness in 14.13 . for your entertainment

2010-01-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

opening dance~

1st perf - sorry sorry

2nd perf - i dont wanna miss a thing

3rd perf - black or white

4th perf - wanna be

5th perf - sexy dance

6th perf - love message

~i hope this brightens up your day!~

"we're not crazy; we're just creating memories"

3:20 am

2010-01-16T11:27:00.001-08:00

I cling on to every single piece of our memories

Even if it is stopping me from moving on . even when I'm so exhausted at times

Though sometimes it breaks my heart . but many times it made me smile .

I desperately hang on to every snippets of the past

Because that's the only thing left

To remind myself that it's not a dream

"世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死 , 而是我站在你面前 , 你却看不见我"

I am not ready

2009-12-19T09:53:00.001-08:00

c: and i am just not ready
L: ready for?
c: ready for all the stress that comes along with being interested
c: ready for all the drama....
c: and i'm not interested in playin around
L: then settle down
L: who call u to play round?
c: that's the thing
c: i'm not ready to settle down either
c: hahaha
c: i dont want all the drama of settling down
c: i want to be able to look at more cute guys! not look at only 1 guy...

the above conversation reminds of so many thing that I'm not ready for..

I am not ready to graduate

I am not ready to think about graduation

I am not ready to transit from a student to a working adult

I am not ready to be 21

I am not ready to stand on my own without my parents

I am not ready to think about plans after graduation

I am not ready to change from tees and jeans to formal wear

I am not ready to talk about adults stuff

I am not ready to think about marriage, kids

I am not ready to plan for my masters

I am not ready to think about insurance, funds, loans

I am not ready to settle down

I am not ready to grow up . just yet

"miracle keeps reality from paralyzing you"

the coolest CV ever!

2009-12-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

Jesus' CV

My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my CV because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my CV.

Qualifications

I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)

I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)

I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)

I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)

The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me, (See Galatians 3:14)

Occupational Background

I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).

I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.

My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17)

Skills & Work Experiences

Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18).

I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, ! (See Proverbs 1:33).

Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background

I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6).

In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3).

My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105).

I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments

I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See Genesis 1:26).

I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians 5:15).

I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them openly, (See Colossians 2:15).

I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead! There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.

References

Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summation

Now that you've read My CV, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.

In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47).

When can I start?

an epitome of simplicity

2009-11-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

i dont like long long sentence because i believe a msg shud be short and simple .
i dont like explainin myself sometimes because explanation sometimes complicates things .
i dont like thinkin too much because the more you think the further away you are . (and it kills my brain cells)
i dont like being involved in complicated situations because it stressed me out a lot .
i dont like being bombarded with questions sometimes because i feel very heavy sometimes if it requires me to answer immediately .
i dont feel jealous often because jealousy is a very complicated and dangerous feeling .
at the end of the day, i'm just wanted to be simple . not transparent but just simple .

i hav been reading jodi picoult's change of heart for the past few weeks...
and that book really got me thinking...
and everytime i feel myself startin to doubt GOD, i stop reading .
because when i stop reading, i tend to forget .
but sometimes that doesnt work . so i started thinking and killing a lot of brain cells .
what if the bible is not what it appears to be afterall?
what if Jesus is not who the bible potrays him to be?
what if there are some other truth behind all this?
what if what i know and believe all along is not so simple afterall?
and i pray and pray and pray . hoping that the answer will magically appear .
but nothing happen . and i pray somemore .
one day i woke up and i realized that maybe all that is not so important afterall .
as long as i know it is GOD's love that i feel all this time . it is GOD's presence that i feel everytime i need him .
then every other facts or knowledge or answers doesnt seem that significant anymore .
because you know best whether what you've encounter is GOD or ur imaginary friend .

so stop trying to look for answers and start using your heart to feel His love for you because that is something that cannot be feign <3

it has been a long time since i spend some quality time with my GOD, and it feels great to be able to have a heart to heart with him .

"GOD's love = the simplest and greatest love of all"

a night to remember

2009-11-10T14:57:00.000-08:00

658am and i'm stil wide awake

what have i been doing for the past 4hours :

things that i rather not remember for the rest of my life

it was tons of fun though

and it all starts with blackjack...

all the while jun is enjoying everything and laughin her heads off! but it sure take my mind off a lot of things....

"when you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the one person who doesn’t"

footprints in the sand

2009-11-07T09:39:00.001-08:00

Today during snl, the same image that keeps on playing in my mind whenever I'm facing difficulties flash through my mind

It was the image of a man piggybacking a lil girl . the lil girl was hurt . and the man just picked her up and piggyback her home all the way without saying a word .

He let that lil girl cries her heart out . he let her throws her biggest tantrum . he waited patiently until the lil girl calm down

Before comforting her with just four simple words . "it's ok. I'm here"

All those times when I was down . when I have no one to talk to . when I have no place to hide . when I was confused . when I was stressed . when my heart was broken .

During all those times, it is not all the rules or regulation about being a Christian that I thought of . it is not all the bible scriptures . it is not all the inspirational stories .

It was the image of GOD carrying me that comforted me .

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The Lord replied, "My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

"In trouble times I smile because I know that GOD is carrying me on his shoulder"

who do you call friends?

2009-11-02T08:56:00.000-08:00

how sad will it be if one day when you're curling up in a corner crying . and you grab your phone to call your friend . and you realized that even though you hav 200 over contact numbers in your phone . there is not even one person on the list that you can call .

we are so obsessed with gaining more and more friends that the term friend has lost its real meaning . with friends its all about the quantity not quality .
but the truth is friends are never about numbers.. friendship can never be about numbers!
you can not measure your frienship based on a scale of 1-10 nor can you evaluate your social circle based on a 100% score .

friends are never about the number of contacts on your msn or phone .
it is never about how you keep on sending the wrong msg to the wrong person because too many sms-es are coming in at the same time .
it is not about how cool is it to have lunch with a huge bunch of people .
it is not about how many replies you have on your facebook

it is about having someone you can share your deepest secrets to without feeling the need to hide .
it is about having someone grabbing you by your shoulder and telling you the truth when you've been running away from it .
when you are sitting together gazing at the stars and suddenly you found youself blurting out every single details that has been burdening you . and they listened without interrupting . that is what you call a friend .

if you've come to the point in your life where you are starting to questioned the true-ness of those so called friends in your life... maybe it's time for you to evaluate your friendship with those around you~

i'm not good at remembering conversations but i can remember this conversation very well because it's like a slap to my face...

Z : you feel very proud when your phone couldnt stop ringing all day . when people keep on sms-ing you . but if one day you're on the verge of breaking down, out of all this people... who would you call?
C : probably no one
Z : exactly!

"my friends might be weird; but i love them because they made me look normal"

Action speaks louder than your heart

2009-10-16T09:55:00.001-07:00

People will never know your heart but you are judged through your actions . it doesn't matter how convincing you are about your heart (whether you are convincing others or just yourself)

And I believe sometimes you might not realized that the only person you are trying to deceive all along is yourself .

No matter how strong you are guarding your heart, if your action shows otherwise; then the unconscious mind wins

You are aware of your heart and you can try everything in your power to stop it from going to forbidden areas

But in my personal humble opinion it is very hard to control you body language, especially when you are so busy guarding your heart .

Because it never occur to you that guarding your heart alone is not enough .

It is through all the little little details that makes someone transparent . it is through all the nonverbal details that makes a relationship transparent .

It is through actions that makes others jump into conclusion .

A conclusion that was make through observation . a conclusion that you have no right to complain to because it was your action that brings people to it

And the weird part is their conclusion might be the truth sometimes!

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye; but there are times when a stranger's eyes sees what is invisible to your heart"

lesson of the day

2009-10-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

1. never ever have your birthday after everyone else birthday . esp not after the most evil person's birthday . not a good thing . best if ur birthday is at the end of the year, never every say a word .

2. never take part in any types of torturous birthday celebration . in fact dont even attend any of those . just in case you got mistaken as one of the accomplice, pretend that you dont know anything and dont attend . dont even be a spectator esp if ur birthday is after theirs .

i've learn my lesson....

"the best decision was not based on honesty but on the number of casualties that hte truth might cause vs the number saved by ignorance"

cynthia, the fitting room girl

2009-09-04T02:02:00.000-07:00

my legs are sooooooo sore from all the standing... working is not that easy, now i know!
the part i enjoy the most is being in charge of the fitting room because i get to sorta meet a lot of diff kind of people that way..
one lady was sooo happy she could fit into a S size dress because she used to be a L/XL person .
two lady was busy looking for "young" dress when they are already around 50 years old .
one lady couldnt make up her mind on which dress to buy and ended up buying all 5 .
one asked me "how do i wear this top?"
another asked me "where do all the extra clothes went to whenever you change season?"
a few asked me " do i look fat/pretty/cute in this?"
it was entertaining to see them trying on new clothes and parading in front of the mirror, debating to buy or not . thinkin if the clothes looks nice on them . wondering if their partner would like it .

but my legs! my poor poor legs!
but i shall persevere and cont. working!
for, i am not a spoiled brat! =.=

"lil girl sitting under a tree, wishing upon the shooting star"

i will die from excessive inhalation of wood dust one of this days

2009-07-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

i just realized how difficult is it to manage a company...
had a short lesson on business 101 today
was shown around the factory . uncle was busy describing me about the different section . different usage of machine . names of machines . process of assembling a furniture .
i was frantically trying to remember everything he said . and obviously failed miserably!
he wants me to think about the company's production flow and think of ways to improve it! at least i think that's what he meant . was too busy noddin to really pay attention .
manage to apply a few things i learn from business admin into the way the company works though . =)
i dont know why i'm being told all this but my guess is to prepare me for the future .
which kinda freaks me out! a 20min explanation of all this business thing is enough to make me feel dizzy . i cannot imagine what will happen if i'm too really learn about all this furniture thing!
i always thought business is not a hard thing and apparently i am really really way wrong about this!
business is even harder than psychology!
the thought of me handling the whole company is gonna send me into a serious heart attack!
my poor brain is suffering information overload while my nose is suffering from dust overload!
next time, i'll implement a rule where everyone must wear a mask! no mask fine rm5! seriously, someone could die from nose cancer from all those dust!
the amount of dust is enough to drown me in it!!!

"shopping is the best form of exercise"

what am i doing?

2009-07-05T11:21:00.000-07:00

just when i wanted to pat myself in the back for doing great
i caught myself doing something that is so not parallel with doing great . old habit dies hard i guess .
i am supposed to hav recover from it . but why is my heart telling me otherwise?
its playin with me . toying with my thoughts . making me lose focus . givin me this weird feeling inside my heart .
its like it has been there all along . never gone . never got rid of it . just hidden .
it amazes me how our mind works . and it scares me at the same time .
because when the mind and heart walks hand in hand . it almost seem uncontrollable .

at least i know there will be one thing in this world that can cheer me up when everythin else fail . hearing my husband sings almost always works .

p.s my blog use to be a place where i can express myself freely . but thats not the case anymore .
i find myself staring at the screen . typing and deleting . again and again .

time ticking

2009-07-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

when boredom strikes....

wish me luck for my final!!!
after that its penang, baby!

"祝福从来就不属于恶魔 , 直到你为我画出幸福的形状"

15 minutes .

2009-06-25T01:22:00.000-07:00

how much have i changed??

i honestly dont know

because i dont remember what kind of person i am in the past...

because i dont think it is important to remember

it does not matter to me

why??

well, because its the past

or maybe because i dont have a good memory in general

___________________________________________________________

am currently in the process of learning how to not ruminate that much
because its a BAD BAD habit....
it givs u a lot of false impression . a simple thought can destroy you&everythingelsearoundyou .
- Thou shall never ever let urself get carried away in ur own ruminative thoughts -

Transparency level : 0%

"roots of all evil = rumination"

a very long post for the first time in a very long time

2009-06-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

today is a good day despite me not being in the right state .

i saw hundred plus maybe? people surrendin themselves to GOD
Rev Philip talks about his experience in hell and this has lead to the salvation of hundreds people
i think nothing beats the joy of see-ing so many people responding to alter call . though one did reject . but oh well he made his choice . let's just pray that there is stil time for him to be touched by GOD .
during the his message, i can see his love and passion for GOD and for people . he is so passionate that he come across as aggressive and a lil bit scary . i feel so over whelmed with the way he speaks
but the moment he starts calling out to people . for them to come out . to receive Christ .
all that he has spoken finally sink in . it made every sense why he is so passionate . why he chases after people that walked out . and i can feel the joy from within me when i see people running forward . when i see people young and old just kneeling with their eyes closed and hands raised up .

when he talks about how the demons are just surrounding the people and not even touching them . the dream that i had 2 days ago comes to my mind . stupid me for annointing my house but not my hostel room .

i was in a seminar/talk kinda thing . and we had a break . the talk was in an old school . during the break i saw Y's mother and sister sitting alone so i went and talk to them . after awhile, the 3 of us went to the bathroom. the bathroom is just a toilet bowl surrounded by table without walls and doors . while i was doing my 'business' i saw a child walking in . the child's body was not solid but not transparent . as in it looks greyish but u can stil see the child clearly . i freaked out and tried to run back to the seminar while pulling the sis with me. but the sis was possesed before i had a chance to run back. i panic and started praying in tongues, using the name of Jesus but nothing happen. then, a church senior came over and manage to get the demon out. he escorts me back to my place and i asked him how did he knew where were we? he said Y had a vision of the 3 of us being attacked by demon, so he came and checked. i asked why when i tried to get the demon out earlier, nothing happened? he said because they come equipped and are not afraid of us. we went back to our seats and the seminar continues. halfway through, i saw lots and lots of child like the one i saw just now standing by the hall. they're just standing there looking at everyone and doin nothin. i freaked out and she tried to calm me down. the speaker was crackin a joke and everyone was laughing and Y was on the floor. went she turned and look at me, her eyes was so scary lik i'm her sworn enemy. she attacked me. more to strangling me. and me speaking in tongues doesnt work again. a lot of church seniors surround us and starts praying for quite some time before they got the demon out.

after so long of not havin tis kinda dream. the dream freaks me out a lot.
i've annoint the room so hopefully no more bad dreams... =)

i think if there is one thing that i learned today is to never ever let my emotions stop me from serving GOD . i've been so absorbed in my own emotions and problems for the past 2 days that i've let an opportunity to talk about GOD slip away .

"am suffering from mental contamination right now"

word-less

2009-06-01T10:19:00.001-07:00

a lot on my mind but nothing to share = less blog post .
no idea how to put thoughts and emotions into words = no bloggin

:: human beings are just too complicated to understand ::

jo's 19th birthday . nice dinner with everyone dressing up .

jing's 19th birthday . ends up wearing her PJ's to station one cafe

2 birthdays . 2 ways of celebrating . lotsa fun .

i want a nice dinner with all my friends for my birthday thank you . =) though i'm sure jing secretly enjoys it... hahaha~

"my lil piece of forever"

my days in penang

2009-05-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

penang is good as always....

meet up with friends and had lotsa fun...
a few surprises here and there.. but nothing traumatizing
it's felt awesome to be home . doing nothing . being pampered to the max . and spoilt to the max . and eat to the max .
i can so feel the love!!
no more washin my own dish . no more cooking myself . no more public transport . more shopping . more food . more TV . more time with mum .
currently on a drama marathon . thats practically all i do all day . staying in front of the TV watching drama .
i love it!! though kinda miss kl . but there is no place like home!
i'm so dreading saturday . cuz i dowanna leave home!

another good thing about coming home is it cleared my mind off . i was able to think (or stop thinking) about stuff . and yea, it helped a lot . though it brings back a lot of things too .

and no more nightmares!!!! thanks to jun who told me to anoint the house .

"out of sight, out of mind"

updates

2009-04-20T01:50:00.000-07:00

one more paper and its holiday!!
research method almost killed me
cant wait to go back pg to see my family and friends and room and dog and gurney and queensbay and food
lookin forward to dye-ing my hair again
wants to go shopping but am broke . therefore am goin bac to penang and shop
totally in love with gossip girls
am currently addicted to love letter
had sushi last week after months of cravin
had a very 'interesting' experience durin the weekend
easter vibe is awesome though i fail miserably at decoration

easter

my kimi!!!

i realized that i've nothin interesting to blog about anymore... not that my life is boring; its just that i dont hav anything interesting or random to say anymore~

"i dont plan to outlive you for long" -------------- or somewhere along those line

generation gaps

2009-04-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

was reading some of my juniors' blog and i realized i'm old!!
generation gaps do exist! *gasps*
what's with all the spelling.....
eg. muvee, paz, acc, biosexual, mie, sorie...
gosh! it doesnt even make sense anymore...
i have to read a few times sometimes before i get them...
i know my eng is not perfect but mie and me??? i thought all those weird spelling is for convenience sake! you know when the words are too long, you shorten it.. you dont "lengthen" the words to sound cute... cuz its not...
i'm old i'm old...
and all of them are with boyfriends!!
seriously! 16 years old talking about i love you forever.... and happy xx anniversary..
now, i really feel old...
because when i'm 16 and my friends had boyfriends, it felt really normal..
now, i just wanna click my tongue and shake my head...

and people that i hate last time....
well, i still hate them now..
so i guess some things never change...

on a lighter note, one down four to go and den its penang baby!!!

"life goes on even without you noticing"

on cloud 9

2009-03-31T22:24:00.000-07:00

i'm pratically floating on air right now .
in an euphoria state .
this is even happier than the day i finish my mock with ms winnee .
so that says a lot .
i thought happiest day of the semester would be last wed .
but turns out happiest day of the semester is tomorrow
because i'm gonna see the man that influence my driving skill (just kidding!) in person!!!!!
rather than just on TV for a few minutes or seconds when he zoom past the screen with his red helmet and red car .
i'm gonna see his blue blue mesmerizing eyes in real life and hear his blurrish english in reality .

KIMI RAIKKONEN, i'm coming to see you!!!!!!!

please please pray that there would be an autograph session and i would get a chance to get his autograph...

"in the face of true love you dont just give up even if the object of affection is begging you to" --- Chuck Bass, GG

many things that i cant do

2009-03-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

there are many things that i wanna write but cant
there are stuff i wanna express but cant
there are times when i wanna write but cant
there are conversations i wanna jot down but cant
there are places i wanna go but cant
there are targets i wanna achieve but cant
there are people i wanna forget but cant
there are words i wanna block out but cant
there are memories i wanna engrave but cant
there are past i wanna forget but cant
there are dreams i wanna fulfilled but cant

and the list goes on and on and on...
the list is so long that i can even write a book bout it....
just that i doubt anyone would wanna buy it
just like nobody would wanna buy a joke book full of plagiarize jokes, right?

therefore, i shall stop wanting things that i cant and start appreciating things that i can =)

"YOU are my song when my melody has ended"

title-less

2009-03-09T10:12:00.001-07:00

how can you forget when you keep on reminding yourself every single minute?

how can you stop hoping when you keep on thinking about all the possibilities?

how can you give up when you never let go?

how can you move on when you never stop dreaming?

"stupid tembikai internet connection"

my special gift

2009-03-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

if given a chance to choose an ability
i would love to be able to read others' mind
imagine how could would that be!?!?!?
imagine me answering you before u even open ur mouth!
that is the coolest thing ever!!
then there is no more need for me to guess and made so many hypothesis...
i would be able to know the truth
abit violating others privacy i know...
but it's just too cool!!!
like edward
ans before others had the chance to ask, knowing all their thoughts...

--------------------------------------

letting people know all my thoughts and emotion makes me feel insecure..
very very insecure . very very very insecure . seriously
which might explain why i keep all my emotions locked inside
i hate being transparent . seriously

"where is my edward?"

me and my roomates

2009-02-25T20:22:00.000-08:00

either something is wrong with me or something is wrong with my room
maybe its the feng shui or something
or maybe i'm just not a roommate kinda person
how come my roommates keep moving out~!!!!!
my 6th roommate just moved out like 3omin ago while i'm sleeping!
changin 6 roommates in a year plus is crazy
this is so not helping my self-esteem.....
i bet by the end of my 3rd year, i would've change 12 roommates and get myself into hall of fame or something

not that i'm complaining of course...
i LOVE stayin alone...

"we belong together ------- breakin dawn"

updates

2009-02-15T10:06:00.000-08:00

i can feel the stress coming.....
thrashin its way through many many other stuff to come up as champion....
mid term is this week
and guess wat??
i havnt start studying....

my dog, coco, died last sunday....
her death hasnt really hit me yet..
maybe because i'm here and i cant see her everyday...
but i'm sure it'll hit me when i go back pg and realized that no one is gonna come to me wagging its tail anymore when i call...
and no dog is gonna be the 1st "person" that greet me when i got home...
no dogs to share my junk food with anymore...

kuala selangor trip is amazing~!!!!
GOD's creations are amazing too...
the fireflies amazed me sooooo much that the fact that i cant swim and i felt so insecure durin the sampan ride and there are crocodiles in tat sungai doesnt even affect me...
the seafood there was amazing too, btw...

valentine was amazing too......
though i spent the morning in class..
fallin asleep at the back of the class...
i think i'm only awake for 30min... and the class was 3hours long!
valentine at church was fun...
celebrating friendship..
thanks for all the pressie!!!

p/s no pictures btw... because my baby has a virus living inside it right now... and i'm gonna sue that printing shop for always infecting my baby with virus....
i wan a macbook!!!! anybody wanna sponsor me?

"always the same but never together"

life is good!

2009-02-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

cny is awesome...
food is awesome...
company is awesome...
income is awesome also...
everything is awesome!!

manage to eat alot.. as in ALOT alot...
as in non-stop alot while in penang...
meet up with high school friends also..
had fun catchin up...

i'm turning into a shopaholic.. gosh!
cant seem to stop shopping...
online shopping . padini shopping . just random shopping .
pocket thinning but stil cant stop the urge to shop...
am shopping while blogging now also... ><

mini me

me looking intellectual.. lol~

"our beginning . my ending"

meaningful... err... stuff?

2009-01-20T03:10:00.000-08:00

" When can i see you again?
I hope when that day comes i'll know . Maybe then it wouldnt hurt as much... "

"The walls that i work so hard to build would not come crashing down and crushing my heart into pieces in the process. "

" The day i admit that i love you is the day i've finally learn how to love myself "

---------------- all by anonymous

-I'll stop crying now because it is not worth it anymore-

reminising the past

2009-01-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

high school period is.....
fun . interesting . rebellious . adventurous . crazy . and alot more

my high school memories...

catchin up on "cnn convent" is definitely memorable... who is going out with who? what happened to who? who hates who? who is BFF with who? all those neverending stories . rumors . exaggerated version .
skipping class to ber-maharajalela around school . skipping class to go to some other school . skipping class because.... class is boring . skipping class because i hated the teacher . skipping class because i have better things to do . sleeping in class .
taking the bus everyday fri morning to the mall and other school . dumb! just dumb! i wish i could just erase all those stupid stuff that we did . though it does brings back lots of laughter .
playing waters. playing ice . playing pranks . being chased around school . playing "uno" . being creamed . drinking from baby bottles .
going to camps . bullying people . dancing . doing silly/crazy/dumb stuff . water bombs . a-bunch-of-really-smelly people who didnt get to bath . campfires .
hanging out in gurney . watchin movies . shopping . doing a lot silly stuff . laughin til my tummy ache . oh and and and... the stupid dare in pcf-secretrecipe! gosh!
good teacher . bad teacher . bad turn good teacher . teacher i get along well with . teacher i hate throughout my 5 years of school .
mum being called to see the headmistress . getting caught by the disipline teacher . being punished . teacher complaining/scolding/nagging . tuition teacher -LPC! my gosh~! .
and the most common would be of boys . cute boys . crushes . asking for numbers . meeting up . talking on the fon for hours and hours and hours .
new friendships formed . broken friendship . close friends . crazy friends . hardworking friends . backstabbing friends . twofacesonofab*tch schoolmates . very good to bully friends!!! . teasing . teasing . and more teasing .
not doing homeworks . not copying any notes . not paying attention in class . getting someone else to copy my notes . getting someone else to do my homeworks .
this has nothing to do with high school but it is just too classic i just have to put it down just in case i lost my memory 10years later... haha~ . BEING SO DUMB TO THE POINT OF FEEDING FEATHER WITH PENCIL SHAVINGS BELIEVING THAT IT WILL GROW

the list goes on and on and on...

"What's your memories of high school?"

:: mixed feelings ::

2009-01-08T07:42:00.000-08:00

i'm feeling....

bloated . all my memories of steamboat has me feeling bloated to the point of feeling extremely uncomfortable . this time is no exception...
nervous . because fasting is startin soon and victory weekend is coming . and i'm praying really hard for GOD's presence to be with me
bored . because there is hardly anything to do here . other than watchin drama
frustrated . QVOD is not working~!!!!!!!! none of my downloads is downloading . and QVOD is my only source for dramas
sleepy . because i've been havin sleepness nights . my mind cant stop spinning and replaying stories from the past
worried . freaked out . because someone is simply acting weird and is freaking me out with the weirdness . and i'm worry about the weirdness . and i've no idea what to do
happy . girlish . simply because i feel like in high school again . peeking at a guy that i think is cute everytime i had the chance to . and i saw him again today

"adrenalin rush + stupidity = hallucination"

greatest blessing

2009-01-04T06:18:00.001-08:00

i think one of the greatest blessing from GOD are my friends and family...
i love you all! *muakzzz*
they make life crazier . happier . more memorable . hectic-er . noisier . and better
and i thank GOD for all of them!
if there is one thing that i've learned in 2008
that would be
"life is an awful place without family and friends"
each and every one of you guys really brightens up my days
and that includes friends from kindergarten . school. college . uni . random places .
. you know who you are .

my dec break is eventful . interesting
it makes me think alot..
and it opens my eyes to alot of stuff
and it brings back alot of stuff from the past

"forbidden to remember ; terrified to forget"

santa loves me!

2008-12-23T06:18:00.000-08:00

christmas is coming!!!
and i'm home~!!!
praise GOD~!!
life is good~! other than the fact that butterworth is abit dull... without much entertainment and freedom
but i'm not complaining...

meeting up with a few friends to hang out and countdown tomorrow...
been back since last tues... but havnt meet up with much people yet...
too lazy to get my butt to move away from the sofa.. haha~
but i do miss all my friends here...

watched chihuahua with mum on sunday... and my lurve for dog kinda "increased" after the movie.. kinda like from 0% to 2% maybe? haha~
cus the dogs are just tooooooo cute to hate...

went for some mini shopping sprees with mum.. and i had fun!!
i kinda forgotten how much fun shopping can be since i dont get to go for shopping sprees in kl
i wish we have monthly sales or bi-monthly sales... haha~

i lurve year end sales~!!!!!!

the best part about coming home is the food, of course
been stuffing my mouth with foods the minute i reached home...

coming back also brings back alot of memories from the past...
not complaining either..
although i would've prefer it if i can stop thinking about it..

december is like a month of relationship problem or something...
or maybe all those stuff happens months ago but i just found out now..
december is like letstellcynthiaallmyrelationshipproblem month...
at least that what it felt like...
and seriously, i am NOT COMPLAINING OR FEELING ANNOYED
do not get me wrong . i'm far from feelin annoyed or whatsoever .
i'm glad i can help . i'm glad i found out
maybe not much of i-am-glad-i-found-out part but if given a choice, i would still like to know...
because i know how it feel to keep ur emotions to yourself because of whatever reasons . it is not a good feeling i assure you .
and another thing is i'm not pointing fingers at anyone!
so, please please stop bombarding me with questions bout stuff that i cant answer...

also, i'm in lurve . addicted . obssessed . with TWILIGHT
it is a must watch and a must read story...
the story just made you wanna believe in love at first sight . always and forever . true love all over again...
the love between edward and bella is so intense that you cant help but believe that true love that last forever does exist in this world...
and i believe that i will someday found my Edward Cullen and he will be my personal brand of heroin...
i believe GOD will send my Edward Cullen to me when the time is right...
and it will be forever... only then will i believe in forever
till then i shall first induldge in my obssession with Edward the vampire. . .

My Christmas Wishlist
1. more more more clothes
2. a new hp
3. new boots
4. new purse
5. more more more accessories
6. a sponsored trip to either bali or japan
7. twilight book set
8. new nice cute roomate *i'm roomateless once again*
9. an effective hassle free diet plan
10. more more more cash

"i'm intoxicated by your very presence"

lesson learnt #2

2008-12-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

i saw the childish and athletic side of a lot of people tonight...
and it was interesting see-ing "old" children just having fun with young children...

a bunch of kids were showing off their abilities to run like hamsters on one of the "gadget" (i've no idea what you called that thing)
and see-ing the proud-i-can-do-this-and-you-cant face on them
made me realized
how we tend to overlook the abilities of others... esp. children
as children we keep hearing the adults telling us
"you'll understand this when u're older", "aiya, you are still a kid", "a kid cant do this; cant do that"
it is hard for people to accept the fact that sometimes a kid may be better than us in many many aspects of life
we always expect the kids to learn from us but we never bother learning from them....
we can never be as pro as kids when it comes to mastering the technique of running like hamster for instant
kids are easily satisfied with life while we never stop chasing for more...
when a child smile at you, you can be sure that it is a genuine smile; while a smile can brings one thousand hidden meaning to us
someone should write a book called "1001 things we can learn from children"
too bad i'm a bad writer... hahahha~

"is my eyebrow stil there???" ------------ hahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha~

christmas vibe

2008-12-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

christmas vibe just ended 5hours ago..
i know i know
a bit early to be celebrating christmas...
but since many people wont be here during christmas so
we bring forward christmas...
it's like celebrating an early birthday for Jesus...

and i had fun...
lotsa lotsa fun!!!
was abit high the whole night...
but den again... i'm always high at night...
hahah~
had fun decorating the church too...
the whole church looks so cozy and christmas-like...

picture time >>

cool high maintanence mr snowman

the girls in action

for more pictures... visit facebook...
hahhaha~
lazy wanna upload so many pictures
cuz it's 5am in the morning...

"santa claus is coming to town... woo hoooooo~!"

current obssesion

2008-12-01T06:51:00.000-08:00

we were as one babe
for a moment in time
and it seemed everlasting
that you would always be mine

now you want to be free
so i'm letting you fly
cause i know in my heart babe
our love will never die
no!

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
girl dont you know you cant escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll be my baby

i aint gonna cry no
and i wont beg you to stay
if you're determined to leave girl
i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you'll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
girl dont you know you cant escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

i know that you'll be back girl
when you days and your nights get a little bit colder oohhh
i know that, you'll be right back, babe
oooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
girl dont you know you cant escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby...

you'll always be a part of me (you will always be)
i'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

always be my baby ------- david cook

one of this day.....

2008-11-28T00:09:00.000-08:00

"One of this days you'll gonna wake up
and you'll feel the same need in you heart
you are gonna realize how much i love you
and on that one day i'll still be waiting for you
and you'll come home to me" --------- Lucas Scott

a bit over confident dont you think?
but then sometimes if we believe in it hard enough
it might just come true...
hold on to our belief (not only love but also your dreams)
even when the whole world is against you
as tired as you might be
deep down you know it is all worth it
because you know it is exactly what you wanted....

"Reach out and grasp on the brightest star"

long long delayed post

2008-11-21T23:26:00.001-08:00

i just realized that i dont hav much halloween pictures...
so,will just link you guys there...

http://vibe-campus.blogspot.com/

cyn, mr skeleton and jo

cyn and philee the corpse bride

HELP life group

cyn and jo and spider web in action

jo jing and cyn in action

SHOCKING!

2008-11-10T02:29:00.000-08:00

at 1641 today...
i had the biggest shock of my life
i can even feel the tears in my eyes...
1st thought "OMG! is this really happening???"
2nd thought "GOD, why are you letting this happen now??"
3rd thought "I refused to believe this is happening"

after 30min, i realised all that hassle for nothing
it's my overworkingrunning100milesperhour brain playing tricks on me...
sheesshhhh~!!
i felt very disappointed and relief and sad and happy..
all at once...
a part of me is happy that it's all one big misunderstanding
another part of me is disappointed because it's all one big mistake...
confusing i know...

"Our relationship with GOD is build based on faith not definite answers"

lesson learnt...

2008-11-02T01:04:00.001-07:00

I’ve learnt my lesson…

No more invisible post ever…..

=.=

It doesn’t work…

any blog site that enables password protected post and is user friendly.. please recommend...

Pictures from Halloween still in progress… ^^

"i believe in forever??? ------------------ no"

291008

2008-10-29T08:38:00.001-07:00

Halloween is gonna be so cool~!!!!!
i hope...
i pray...
i have faith...
pictures will be up after halloween...
it's fun to laugh out really loud while decorating the church...
and scaring people with spiders and cockroaches...
and taking videos of the proces

"if even i cant describe how i feel right now at this moment,
what makes you think you can?"

updates

2008-10-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

A lot to update but don’t know where to start….
Will just write whatever pops up into my mind at the moment

• Fell down around a week plus ago during vibe; while playing an aggressive ice breaker… getting better but not yet fully healed… and please please PLEASE pray that it’ll leave no scar… ^^
• I’m officially a very free lil gal… only 7 hours of class per week since I’m not taking any electives…. Might be stayin for another sem after graduation to finish my electives or just cramp it into my next year schedule..
• Class is boring as usual… it’s either I talk throughout the whole class or I play games or I read mag or yawn a few times every 5 minutes.. and and and I hate 8 am classes!
• We decided to call wed/thur our cook-and-eat-together day… and we lotsa fun cooking and eating and laughing and “torturing” jo when we couldn’t finish the food..
• Mum is coming down next week to visit me~!!!! Yay~!
• I’ve ate enough sushi to last me till the end of the year… sushi king rm2 promotion is awesome.. went there on the 1st day with sharyne.. and again with sharyne on the 2nd day plus you sub…
• I saw some students in their uniform and suddenly I feel so OLD… ><
• Some conversation with some friends brings back a lot of memories that refused to leave my mind alone..
• Celebrate an early birthday during our potluck outing on fri and it was awesome… lurve the food, the cake, the company and everything else; a lovely surprise indeed.. thank you~!
• Killed many brain cells trying to think of wat to wear during Halloween party.. any idea please leave comment… if anymore brain cells dies my iq is gonna drop til 80..
• Am trying to look for a part time job or volunteer job.. and suggestions or something leave a comment
• Currently looking for a place to move… preferably somewhere around bangsar or ss2.. as long as it’s near HELP.. any suggestion leave a comment…
• Learn a lot for the pass 2 weeks.. too many to list down in fact… and I thank GOD for the opportunity to learn from such awesome people..
• I almost had an heart attack when I almost bang into a car again… my heart skipped a beat when I saw that car coming towards me.. and the driver was glaring at me like he wanted to eat me alive… but I swear I saw him asking me to pass 1st with his hand gesture… so, I still couldn’t decide whether it’s my fault or not…

my hand after a week of iodin

me and jun on our so called clubbing night... after getting lost around kl for 2hours

look at the amount of food~!!!

me camwhoring wif jun's eeyore

just me camwhoring

“GOD smiles when I trust Him”

lil facts bout you

2008-10-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

you may appear healthy and fit but actually physically you are really weak
you are very smart even though you do not excel in your studies
you love jay chou
you used to think flora chan *hk actress* is very hawt
you prefer kelly over sammi
you played a certain instrument really well even though u did not have proper lesson
you are good at basketball
you hate losing to a girl
you had a crush on ***** for 3 years and thinks that she is the epitome of beautiful but she rejects you because you're younger than her and also because she had a boyfriend at that time
but after being rejected you did not dare to tel her your feelings anymore even after she broke up with her boyfriend because you're afraid of being rejected again...
your 1st girlfriend is 3 years older than you
you feel in love with one of your good friend's girlfriend
you've never being dumped before except for that one time.. but you end up getting your revenge
you talk to your girl-friend more than to your own girlfriend
you end up rejecting a girl after everything she've done for you.. even to the extend of changin herself inside out
you like to act as the tough-guy-that-abuses-his-power but you are not
you like to act cool but actually cares about those around you a lot
you get really pissed off when you see those around you being hurt.. and you are protective over them...
you hate to admit it when you're wrong because your ego is as big as your head
you think that you treat all your girlfriends really bad but never do anything to change it
you are really really quiet when you're in a bad mood
you have a really good heart but wont admit it because it'll make you look uncool
you think that ***** is really really ugly and not your cup of tea and wil never ever like her even though you keep feeding her with false hope
you're a caring person because you notice and remember lil details about people that you care eventhough you'll never admit it
you love kids~~
you may be older than me but you act like a kid sometime..
you are afraid of water...
people see you as a guy that wont miss the chance to have sex with your girlfriend if given a chance but you prove them wrong... you slept on the floor while she sleeps on your bed and nothing happen at that night
people often thought that you and ur best fren are gay

"the unconscious mind is more powerful than the conscious mind"

26th sept 08

2008-09-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how a simple sentence that means nothing to a person can have such big effect to another

A simple sentence can brings back a whole lot of memories of the past that you know you wanna let go but just cant
A simple 10 words sentence makes me think back a lot of stuff that I promise myself I will forget but unconsciously I’m not willing to let go of it yet

----------------------------------------

A long message by a pastor may put many people into daydreaming mode
But a simple “GOD loves you” can bring tears to a whole lot of people
I don’t think there is anyone in this world that loves us as much as GOD
He loves us so much that Jesus is willing to die for us
He loves us so much that He will never leave us; when we cant sense GOD presence it is not because He has left us.. it is because we are so blinded by temptation in lives that we cant see Him anymore
He loves us so much that He answers all our prayers

“a simple word; a thousand meaning”

i wish i wish and i wish

2008-09-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

i wish i am smarter
i wish i am prettier
i wish i've an older bro
i wish i am rich.. as in really really rich
i wish i could move out from the hostel... even better
i wish mum and dad will move to kl to stay with me
i wish all my wish on the wishlist will come true
i wish i drive a porsche... porsche boxster to be exact...

but...............

i'm blessed to have parents that love me
i'm happy to be surrounded by people that i lurve
i'm grateful that GOD had blessed me with 2eyes, 1mouth, 2ears, 1nose, a pair of hand and legs and other parts of my body that are functioning perfectly..
i'm glad i dont have financial problem to be worried about
i'm happy to hav my slk (small lil kelisa) to drive around
i feel good to be the only child in the family...
i'm thankful my brain is working...
i'm glad penang is only 4hours drive away... i can go back anytime i want

see, there are so many things to be thankful in life...

"i'm not spoiled, just well taken care of"

heart, mind and soul directions

2008-08-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

we can never control our heart and mind
tellin em' what to think, what not to think
forcing em' to go the way we want

our heart can never tell our mind who to miss, who to lurve or who to hate
our mind can never control our heart; telling em' to be rationale
because our heart can never be rationale

and that's the part i hate the most....

" 어디서 듣고 있진 않을까 이길의 끝에 "

pictures update

2008-08-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

one of the cutie snake at 1u's reptile exhibition

another cutie reptile

me trying to kiss it

me with my fav. game in genting

luckiest chair in the world

i look like the female version of one of the 7 drawf

me and sharyne outside snow world

klcc at night

we are supposed to pose as charlie angels i think... =.=

2 friends enjoying the night view

perception changed

2008-08-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

i used to hate watching movie alone
because i feel pathetic telling the person at the counter "ticket for one please"
i feel somehow tiny walking into the cinema alone
i feel lonely seating alone in the cinema *well, not alone alone... but friendless alone*
i feel even more lonely when i see people around me discussing the movie with their friends and laughing together . guessing the plot together . sharing popcorn
i refused to step into the cinema alone no matter how how good the movie is or how much i've been longing to watch it

but i realized that; there is absolutely nothing pathetic about watching movie alone
i get to spend some quality time with me . myself and i
enjoy the peacefulness that i cant get anywhere else
get some thinking done . quiet time to think things over
and come out of the cinema with a more organized me!

"GOD sometimes delays His help to test our faith and energize our prayers; our boat may be tossed by the waves while He sleeps; but He still wakes up before it sinks"

holiday-ing in a place called HOME

2008-08-14T06:11:00.000-07:00

it might be bored here
with no classes to attend . no assignments to rush
with only a few malls around . no money to shop
and not as much freedom
i am gaining weight instead of losing weight
but............................
there is no place as good and as perfect as mua home
well, other den heaven maybe...
but my home is lik heaven on earth to me...

i'm dreadin the day when i've to go back to kl
its not like i hate it there
but there is just not here
home is always the best
i rather rot at home den stayin at the hostel...
let's just pray that i'll be able to move out by the end of this year...

"there is no place like home"

Y.O.U

2008-07-24T08:59:00.002-07:00

after so long, u are stil te same
that is just the way you are
never gonna change because of anyone
not even because of the person by ur side right now
you stil lurves to play lil games with others' mind
confusing them . giving them false hope
but making them smile at the same time
and they cant stop thinkin about you
but nobody will ever know when you are joking and when you are not
just like nobody will ever know the true you
they will not get the chance to really know you
because you refused to let them in......

"you know when you like someone because you smile everytime you think of him even without you realising it"

marriage

2008-07-20T04:47:00.000-07:00

would you rather marry someone that you dont lurve or be wif the one that you lurve without signing that piece of paper?
i realised that now many people around me looks for a partner wif marriage in mind
gone were the days where all they want is to just hav some fun
and gettin married is definitely not the 1st thing on their mind when finding someone to date

i view marriage and dating as 2 whole different thing
dating is having fun and enjoy the company of havin someone there when you need them
so wat if ur partner is of the same gender or is way older/younger than you or is way poorer/richer than you or is from different religion
when all you want is to date then all of that is not an issue at all

but when marriage comes into the picture....
wat if the law doesnt allow you to marry someone of the same gender?
how will the society view this relationship if ur partner is 20years older or younger den you?
will ur economic status come between your relationship?
wat about religion?

in my humble opinion, marriage is an important chapter of our life, but it is not one of our basic need
as long as you lurve that person wif all your heart . you are comfortable with the way things are . you feel secure and blessed . you are HAPPY .
then, i dont see the need to have cert to prove anything to anyone

"no strings attached"